


Everything I do (I do it for you)

by Ftballfangrl



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 18:07:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20911877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ftballfangrl/pseuds/Ftballfangrl





	Everything I do (I do it for you)

It’s late when they finally get home. Really late. Dele has been sat slumped in the passenger seat the whole way and Eric has been needlessly fiddling with the stereo, flipping from station to station with no song fitting his mood. Not a word has passed between them since they trudged out of the impromptu meeting that was called after the game. A post mortem of something that, in truth, they’d all rather forget. But they can’t. They can’t hide from the fact that something isn’t working or ignore all the opinions being piled on them from the outside. Losing 7-2 at home is bad, worse than bad and they all know something needs to change. 

Eric has a feeling that isn’t why Dele is so quiet though. Why he’s sat with his body angled away from him, head against the window, his hands tucked into fists in his lap. 

When Eric turns onto their drive and the gunmetal grey gates begin to swing open, Dele shifts. Eric holds his breath, waiting for whatever it is he’s going to say but it doesn’t come. Instead he notices that Dele has already got his hand on the door handle, ready to jump out as soon as he stops. Eric doesn’t say anything just parks the car and turns off the engine, sitting still as Dele shoves his door open and strides across the gravelled drive. He watches him fumble for his keys, unlock the front door, rubbing a hand over his face as he disappears inside. He fiddles with the ring on his right ring finger, spinning it round as he stares at it. His mind wanders to the game but he’s not thinking about the chances missed, the mistakes that were made. He’s thinking about the split second where he’d felt a head on his shoulder, the weight of a body resting against his. Then he remembers how he’d stiffened, moved away as if he were trying to get a better view of the game and his heart aches. 

Once he’s collected all their bags, throwing Dele’s hideous backpack over one arm, his over the other and cradling their jackets in his arms, he makes his way inside. Dele hasn’t even bothered to turn any of the lights on. He’s sat slumped on the sofa, chewing at the lid of his water bottle, the light from his phone screen illuminating his face. Eric’s dumps everything on the floor and walks around until he’s stood facing Dele. Dele carries on staring at his phone and Eric nudges his foot with his own. 

“Del,” he says and it’s the first words he’s spoken since he said goodbye to Jan as they left the stadium. “Del, come on. Please just talk to me.” He notices Dele’s stop scrolling and flinches slightly as he chucks his phone down next to him. He stumbles backwards as Dele stands up and turns away from him, striding over to the doorway before stopping dead. 

“I can’t do this anymore Eric,” his voice is quiet, defeated almost and it makes Eric feel as though his chest is caving in. He steps forward, the need to be closer to Dele overwhelming him. “Can’t you see what it’s doing to us?” Dele asks as he twists to rest his forehead on the doorframe. The light from them moon silhouettes his profile and Eric’s fingers flutter with the want to caress his face. A few more steps and he’s only a metre away from Dele, close enough to reach out and touch him. But he doesn’t. He stands there and watches Dele’s chest rise and fall, listens to his breathing as they stand there in the darkness, the weight of the world sitting on both of their shoulders. 

“We knew what we were agreeing to Del, we knew it was going to be hard,” he says trying to sound reassuring. Dele shakes his head, taking in a shuddering breath and Eric’s knees feel weak. “It’s not real though Del. You know that don’t you?” he asks, a plead to his tone. Because Dele has to know that, has to realise that the distance he puts between them isn’t something he wants. A whisper comes from Dele’s lips and he doesn’t catch the words. Eric steps forward, bringing his hands up, wrapping them around Dele’s arm. It’s the first time they’ve touched properly for hours and Dele lifts his head. He turns to look at Eric, those hazel eyes round and shining. “It’s starting to feel real to me,” he breaths. 

***

_Five weeks earlier _

_“We called you both in here because we have a bit of a situation.” _

_“A situation?”_

_“Yes Mr Dier. We received notice yesterday from a certain tabloid newspaper stating that they have enough to run a story about you.”_

“_Me? Ok. Then why is Del he-” _

_“The story is about the both of you Mr Dier.”_

_“Oh.”_

“_Do you know the details?” _

_“Not all of them Mr Alli but it would out you, as a couple.”_

“_Shit.”_

_“We are working on diffusing the situation, trust that this story will not get out. We do however need to do some damage limitation. The story may not run but there is going to be chatter. We can’t stop the journalistic circles from gossiping and we all know that there’s enough around the pair of you already.” _

_“Damage limitation?”_

“_Yes. We think it might be best if the two of you distance yourselves for a while. At training and during games. Appear cool towards each other, like you are teammates now and nothing more.” _

_“So basically act like we’ve fallen out?”_

_“There’s no need for a bust up or anything just be separate, minimal interaction. Maybe warm up together or sit next to each other on the bench but make it look perfunctory. I know this is not easy to hear Mr Alli but unless you want the choice of when you announce the true nature of your relationship taken out of your hands, I don’t see any other option.”_

_“We can do it Del, just for a little while.” _

***

“But you know it isn’t,” Eric responds, tightening his grip. “You know it’s just until all the scrutiny blows over again.” A crash makes Eric jump and he realises that Dele has thrown his water bottle across the floor. He yanks his arm from Eric’s grip and walks away from him, hands on top of his head. He’s pacing and his breath his short and Eric can’t remember the last time he saw Dele like this. He knows it’s been hard. The mere act of making sure he is never too close to Dele when there’s cameras or too many people around has been draining. But he knows Dele has been struggling with it, worse than he has himself. He just didn’t realise quite how much. 

“I feel like I’m drowning Eric. I catch myself walking over to you in training and then I hear the click of a camera and I have to turn around. I think of something funny to tell you whilst we are warming up and I can’t even smile at you because we are surrounded by people. I go on Twitter and there’s people demanding to know why we’ve fallen out, analysing our body language, talking about how much it looks like you don’t want to be next to me.”

“I told you to stop looking at all of that.”

“And then tonight, possibly the worst night I’ve had in a long time and I all I wanted to do was sink into you. Lean my head on your shoulder for just a fucking second and I couldn’t for fear of what someone behind a fucking screen would say.”

“Del.”

“You are so good at it. You move away from me, keep the space between us, walk the other way when I’m near. You busy yourself with Jan or Chris and I know that all goes away when we get home but I hate it Eric.”

“I hate it too.”

“But you are stronger than I am. Fuck I wake up in the middle of the night and I can’t breath because of how much I hate all of this. Everything is going to shit and I need you Eric. And you are there but it’s like there’s this wall and it’s made of glass and I can see you but I can’t hear you or touch you.”

His voice breaks over the last few words and Eric rushes to his side, tears pricking the back of his eyes. Dele tries to back away, holds his hands up in front of him but Eric grabs his wrists and pulls him close, knuckles white with how hard he is holding on to him. He feels like he can’t breath, the idea that Dele has been going through all of this and he didn’t know. He knew that Dele hated it but the thought of him waking up in the middle of the night worrying about it all makes him feel sick. He slowly relaxes one hand and pulls Dele closer with the other, cradling the back of his head as he collides with his chest. 

“The longer this goes on, all I can think about is what if you realise it’s better this way? That I’m too much hassle? That I’m not worth it?” Dele’s words are muffled against his jumper and they come out thick and fast, surrounded by a sob. Eric feels a flash of anger but it gives way and he pulls Dele away from him, just enough so he can look into his eyes. 

“No. Stop it, right now.” he says, wiping away the tear that falls down Dele’s cheek. His heart is hammering against his ribcage as he looks at him and he wishes he could take all the pain and anguish away. He wishes they lived in a world where he could just shout about how much he loves the boy in his arms and how he deserves the moon and the stars and all the space in between. “You pretend something’s true for long enough it becomes real right?” Dele asks, his voice tight as his chest heaves up and down. Eric shakes his head and places his hands on Dele’s shoulders. 

“They can make me pretend not to be your friend. They can make us stay away from each other in open training sessions. They can make me pretend that our relationship is nothing more than teammates. They can make me do all of that. But I won’t stop waiting for you after everyone else has gone home. I won’t stop making sure that you have a coat ready for you when you get subbed off because I know you’ll be cold. I won’t stop holding your hand when they aren’t looking or pulling you into the physio room for a kiss.”

Dele goes to open his mouth but Eric shushes him and lifts up his right hand. “You see this?” he asks, pointing at the ring with his thumb. Dele glances at it and Eric reaches down with his left hand to press his fingers to the ring Dele’s wears on the same finger. “And you see that?” Dele nods and Eric cradles his face between his palms. “They can make me pretend a lot of things Del. But I could never pretend that I don’t love you.” 

Dele takes a deep, shuddering breath as more tears begin to fall and he collapses into Eric’s chest. “But what if it never goes away? The need for all this pretending? There’s always going to be that risk,” he says and Eric wraps his arms around him before tilting his head up so he can see his face. 

“Then remember this moment. Remember me looking you in the eye and telling you that I love you. That everything I have to do, that we have to do is so that we can be us. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me Del and I will fight for you with every breath that I take. I won’t let anyone ruin what we have,” he says before drawing Dele into a kiss. And as his boyfriend melts into his arms Eric makes a silent vow to himself that he will do anything and everything he can to make sure Dele never doubts what they have ever again. 


End file.
